Hardcore Manifesto

I heard what you said about Axl, and I’ve gotta say that you somewhat misinterpreted what I was saying. I don’t actually believe that Axl would be the new number one contender, but rather someone who intereferes on Mysterio’s behalf and costs Edge the title, resolving with an Edge/Axl storyline and drawing Edge out of the title scene, allowing for new blood to fight for the gold. I was, however, semi-serious about bringing Axl back. Those “jokes” were actually just ideas I had that could seriously be sold to the WWE as reasons for rehiring him. I think the WWE should delve back into their hardcore roots because that’s one of the things people go to a match to see: spilled blood. Sure, the media would have an uproar saying “Good God! These wrestlers are just brawlers instilling negative and violent attitudes into this country’s youth! We should stop this!” Yet it may be what America needs: less restrictions. With less restrictions from the FCC, children will learn things that you probably didn’t learn until you were maybe 17, and will thusly be able to use some of the things they learn from such programming in real life. For example: there was an episode of CSI which talked about “fanny smackers.” They were basically local teens who beat the shit out of innocent tourists in alleyways. But, if we see more barbed wire on a Singapore cane handicap matches, America’s youth will be better able to defend themselves than spending hundreds of dollars on karate, where you only learn the skills a day laborer would use, such as mopping and waxing a car. Also, it would be more convincing to marks, and maybe some smarks if there were copious amounts of blood lost during an assault on another wrestler before their big match. “Wow, he must REALLY hate this guy: he just practically tore his forearm to shreds with that sandblaster,” is what they would say on their HDTVs, “I think this will have a promising resolution at the next pay per view.” Hardcore wrestling is part of what makes people like Mick Foley and Abyss more than just wrestlers: it makes them seem like masters of pain. The wrestling world without hardcore gimmick matches would be like the Cheeburger Cheeburger Pounder without the beef: it just can’t happen for $12 of MY money. By the way, I’m being serious the whole time, in case you’re constantly overexposing yourself to hazardous (unintelligent) emails and are slowly suffering from brain damage. I mean, I’m glad you liked the e-mail, but that wasn’t cool how you enjoyed it for the wrong reasons. But back to my pro-hardcore rant: I think that the only problem with America, wrestling, and hardcore gimmick matches are parents. Parents and prejudice is what is wrong with America. Prejudice against dope-smoking Mexicans in the Southwest int he early 1900s led to federal creation of and enforcement of anti pot laws. Prejudice against Asian Americans in California during the latter half of the 1800s is what caused opium to be outlawed because of the grave bullshitted lie that opium was how Asian American convinced white women into giving them a handjob. But that would not have mattered because they would be too stoned to feel it. Now parents are too damn overprotective and are thus blaming other sources for their child’s behavior while doing little to no action in stopping such atrocities. If you let your four year old son watch Freddy vs. Jason, you are the worst parent ever. If you let your daughter grow up to be a stripper, then like Chris Rock said during his HBO special, you’ve fucked up. If you let your children watch hardcore wrestling matches where the referee gets a compund fracture of their left ulna and you don’t tell your children that you only do that to strangers who are about to cause them great injury, you are a worse parent than Patty Ramsey or the mother of Natalie Holloway.
My point is, Axl Rotten and Hardcore wrestling should make a greater comeback in the main wrestling scene, so if a wrestler gets really banged up, a WWE employed physician can set the wrestlers right instead of Floridian pill pushers. IF Chris Benoit had a doctor employed by the WWE who also did not have to worry about job security based on however long they said a patient would have to recover for, he probably would have teamed up with MVP instead of Matt Haardy and the World Tag team titles would be back on Smackdown! where they belong. You know what, I challenge others to send you their emails in their futile attempts to refute my perspectives. Because my gears have been meshing smoothly and they need a good grinding. ((If anyone can’t tell, that’s from Family Guy.) [Wait five seconds after saying grinding before saying what’s in the first set of parentheses for maximum effect.]) Come on, PWB, show me what ya got! Persuade me we are better off without the HARDCORE title and that the gimmick matches of TNA don’t make up for half of it’s comparatively miniscule ratings. Go ahead, start ranting.
By the way, Axl probably would not have missed the matches he did if he felt he had a more important role on the ECW roster. He could have stopped the obese horror that is Viscera (I refuse to recognize Big Daddy V) topless.
 
Cheers!
grav3digg3r